Oh ok, I am all kinds of paranoid right now. Why, you ask? Oh only because a woman was driving down the highway when a SNAKE SLITHERED OUT OF THE AIR VENT!!!! This poor woman named Monica Dorsett was driving on the highway near Venice, Florida on March 10, 2017 when a red rat snake crawled out of the left air conidtioning vent, the one between the steering wheel and the driver side door. You can click the link if you want to see it, honestly I couldn’t even post the images here. My featured image is a cartoon snake, people. This is why I’m not surviving the zombie apocalypse. My plan for every Armageddon scenario is falling to the ground screaming, crying and yelling “No! No! HELL to the N-O!”
Naturally, being me it was not enough to be horrified once. I had to go down the road to full on trauma and find out where else snakes showed up where people don’t want them. Ok, to me that’s everywhere but what are the absolute worst places? Here are a few:
Snake In The Toilet
In January, 2017 country singer Brett Eldridge found a huge snake crawling up out of his toilet! That never even occurred to me as a possibility. What if it crawled up into your house while you were sleeping?? Great. Now I’m thinking about a snake crawling on me in my sleep. Thanks Internet.
Rattlers In The Crawlspace
Speaking of snakes in a toilet, this poor family in Texas found a rattlesnake coming up out of their toilet and when they called the snake removal guy (because apparently we live in a world where that needs to be someone’s job) his snake detecting senses went off and he went to the crawlspace where he found thirteen adult rattlesnakes living happily together. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Fifty shades of nope.
Snakes On A Plane
Think “Snakes On A Plane” only happens in the movies? You wish. In November 2016 and Aeromexico flight made an emergency landing when a bright green venomous viper fell out of the overhead bin. Click on the link to watch the video, it’s massive. I would vow never to leave my house but when snakes come out of the toilet I will hit the ground running and hope my family makes it out. Sorry, kitty. You’re my feline shield.
The Christmas Snake
in December 2016 this Australian family found a tiger snake slithering around their Christmas tree. It’s only one of ten most toxic snakes in the entire world. No big. Picture my awesome husband (you remember him, the guy who fixes everything) scooping it up with a rake while I fall to the ground screaming, crying and yelling “No! No! HELL to the N-O!”
Snakes On The Grill
This one goes back to September 2o13 when all some poor woman wanted to do was use her backyard grill. She opened it up and as you might expect BAM! SNAKE! Why does a snake even want to be in a grill? It can’t be that comfortable. I would have to throw out that grill once the snake people came and took care of things. No one wants a burger with a side of snakeskin. No one.
Now that I’ve taken you down this dark, frightening road with me I will leave you with one last thought. Some guy in Florida taught his massive python to open doors. And no that is not a dirty joke. This python is no longer restricted to rooms with doors because some genius taught him to open them. Ok, that’s enough Internet for today.